This morning I dropped my last little one off at
kindergarten. She wasn’t supposed to be
my last, but life has a way of changing plans and dreams long held. It was a bittersweet moment. It has been 9
long years since I haven’t had a child needing me during the day. A child (or 2, or 3) following my every move,
interrogating me about every action.
Endless chatter, questions, and demands, tears, whines, fighting,
laughter and giggles have been the music of my life. I would be lying if I said I loved every
minute of it. I think those statements
are reserved for grandmas and grandpas who happen to only recall the good times
and forget about the sleepless nights and constant tugging of small children. But I did feel blessed through it all. So grateful that I was able to stay home and
answer all those questions, tuck them in bed each night, soothe their worries
and fears, wipe their tears, and play endless games with them all.
Today I came home to a quiet home. The evidence of a busy morning with 3 young
kids surrounded me, but there were no young kids. No questions, no ‘mom, he’s bugging me’, no ‘what
are we going to do now?’ To be honest, I
wasn’t quite sure what to do. Hours of
uninterrupted time stared me down and created a bit of a panic in me. Don’t get me wrong, there have been many days
that I have dreamed of this moment. A
whole day of quiet! A whole day to move
at my own pace and do what I want when I want!
In some ways it was glorious, and I look forward to more of those
days. But for a minute, I realized that
after 9 years, I’m not sure what my
pace is any more. My pace has become a 3
kid pace, I don’t remember what it was before that time, when it was just me.
Dropping off my last child at school represents the
beginning of a whole new chapter in my life.
I am no longer tied down all day, every day. I am free to pursue things I am interested in
and see where God would have me serve.
Life has changed, what was normal, routine, is now different. I find myself again trying to figure what
this ‘new normal’ looks like, how it works and how it feels. Everyone finds themselves in these situations
from time and time, and it isn’t a new thing for me. Between adding kids, a few medical diagnoses,
and me starting to work part time, I have dealt with adjusting to a ‘new
normal’ before. However, no matter how
many times I have, it is always full of mixed emotions and trepidation. As I was sitting in my house, pondering this
change, a verse from Isaiah 43 came to mind.
(I know that the context of this verse may not apply directly to us, but
it is contains good general truth as well.)
In the verse God is talking to the Israelites about His plans for them
and He says, “Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive
it?” So often, when we are faced with a
‘new normal’ we enter it cautiously, fearfully.
We cling to the past because that is what we know; we find comfort in
the familiar. As much as they drive me
crazy at times, life with my kids surrounding me is what I know. It feels safe and comfortable, I know what is
needed and expected. Now, facing this
next chapter I feel unsure. My role
seems uncertain and unclear and that makes me anxious. To those thoughts God speaks and reminds me
that even though I may think the road ahead seems foggy, He sees the path
clearly. He is ready to take me on the
next phase of my walk with Him. He is
ready to teach me new things and greater trust as I rely on Him more and more to
parent my children when they are out of my reach and rely on Him to guide me
down this uncertain path of the ‘new normal’.
He is doing a new thing! Am I
willing to see it? Am I willing to trust
and follow? He has always proved
faithful before, and I know He will again.
So to all of you moms who will be dropping kids off at
school in the next few days or weeks, some for the first time, I pray that you
will be able to rest your cares in your
Savior’s arms. That you will cling to
the promise that He will go with them when you can’t and that His grace is
sufficient for them as well as you. I
pray that God will do new things in you this year and that your eyes and heart
would be open to see what He has in store. Praise be to our ever loving and
gracious Lord!
